Sasquatch is usually described as a large, smelly, hairy, bipedal humanoid but at FactoryBuysDirect, we like to call him a brand ambassador for our NEW Avenger Coolers.
Wild men stories have been found among the indigenous peoples on every continent in the world for centuries. In the Himalayas, he is known as Yeti and in the northwest United States, he’s called Bigfoot.
Sasquatch is between six and eight feet tall with a large forehead and pronounced brow, like a cave man’s, and head like a gorilla. He is covered in brown reddish hair and has enormous feet (his namesake) that are a whopping two feet long by eight inches wide. He is notoriously reclusive.
Many have pursued the elusive creature, desperately trying to collect video or photographic evidence but have failed time and time again.
However, Factory Buys Direct had the opportunity to catch up with Sasquatch and talk to him about his life, passions and the NEW Avenger Coolers.
FBD: Mr. Sasquatch, it's a pleasure to have you here today.
Sasquatch: Please, call me Squatch. Mr. Squatch.
FBD: Great, Ah…Mr. Squatch. May I ask where you have been for the past 50 years or so?
Sasquatch: I've been hanging out in the Pacific Northwest. Really love the coffee in Seattle and I have been working on my novel.
But I tend to travel around. I like California in the winter and then up to Washington for the summers.
I'm getting up there in years so like to take it easy now and eat and sleep as much as I can.
FBD: I can imagine. Tell me, there has been over 11 seasons of Finding Sasquatch shows on TV. Have you even seen these guys?
Sasquatch: Yeah, my people have talked to their people a number of times to try and negotiate a special appearance.
I currently have a contract in place to lurk in the forest and snap branches. Hopefully an appearance will be timed with the publication of my memoirs.
FBD: Oh, you're a writer?
Sasquatch: Yeah, I've dabbled for years. You can find me most days at a Starbucks in the valley, drinking vanilla frappuccinos and pounding away on my laptop.
FBD: How do you feel about your presence being called a pseudoscience?
Sasquatch: Well, you can argue all you like but there are still faces on Mars and crop circles that can't be explained.
Science is developing a hypothesis and performing an experiment to test it.
Criticism of pseudoscience by the so called "scientific community" (he air quotes with large hairy fingers) can be refuted on every front.
Obviously...I'm right here.
FBD: Tell me about your new gig as the Ambassador for the new Avenger Coolers?
Sasquatch: I've been waiting for a good opportunity to reveal myself publicly and this is the perfect opportunity. Also, my agent said it would strengthen my corporate brand and I really do believe in the product.
FBD: Can you talk a little about the Avenger Coolers?
Sasquatch: My pleasure. The NEW Avenger Coolers have been tested in the harshest environments to make sure it doesn't let you down on your next adventure.
Their rugged toughness is made from roto-molded polyethylene, they are UV resistant, heavily insulated and darn-near indestructible.
Trust me, I know, I tested them myself.
FBD: Dozens of companies offer bear-resistant coolers, what makes your test different?
Sasquatch: I have been testing products for years, mostly smart phones and other high tech electronics. These tests are important because in a number of national parks, using bear-resistant products is the law. But my testing takes the process a step further. Bears are very strong but not very smart. They fill a cooler with dog food and peanut butter and give it to a 600lb Grizzly for a total of 60 minutes.These are captive bears that are well fed and quite frankly...lazy. There's no real motivation to get inside.
My tests with the Avenger Cooler are way more intense.
FBD: How so?
Sasquatch: Well, first of all, the cooler is filled with my favorite IPA beer, not peanut butter, so the desperation to get inside is elevated, and I spend a full day trying to break in. Bears will just flip around coolers and chew the padlock a bit but I outweigh a grizzly by 200 lbs.
My go-to move is stand on top and jump until it collapses in on itself, which they always do...except the Avenger, which stands tall.
FBD: I see, how durable.
Sasquatch: Oh yeah, the Avenger Coolers are designed with advanced design features like extra strength handles, a thick outer shell, reinforced hinges and rubber latches with lockable storage.
Any cooler can get bear tested...only the Avenger is Sasquatch tested.
FBD: Last question, the scientific community typically attributes your sightings to either hoaxes or misidentification of other animals, particularly black bears.
Do you have any comments?
Sasquatch: I've heard that a lot over the years and you know, I'm insulted. I mean, do I look like a bear to you?
FBD: Well actually...
Sasquatch: I just needed a good enough reason to "come out" and when Factory Buys Direct called to offer me the gig, I jumped at the chance.
FDB: Any parting thoughts?
Sasquatch: Absolutely, the NEW Avenger Cooler are made of roto-molded plastic, which allow optimum performance. The rotomolding process makes sure that each cooler has a consistent wall thickness and is free of imperfections, and that the products will hold up to the toughest abuse. And please go to my Facebook page to get the pre-release of my novel, Big Feet, Bigger Heart.